I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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