The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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