we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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