I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this beer tastes like vomit already
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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