I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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