Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
