I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
