this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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