are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
