i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
