remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
