can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
