i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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