In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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