They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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