u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
