is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
