my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize