I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
