last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
