I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
