We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
