Me too!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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