I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize