turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
