How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
