hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
