The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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