chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have aggressive nipples.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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