i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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