now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
