you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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