he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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