If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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