I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
