Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize