Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
