dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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