Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
