If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
