if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just high enough for therapy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
