I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
