True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
