you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
