Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
