some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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