So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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