omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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