Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
