Pants 0. Shit 1.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
