i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
