I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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