Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
