Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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