I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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