you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
