So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize