you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
