I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
