her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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