I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
