And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
