I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize