she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's intense
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
