I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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