These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
