can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
