if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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