Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
