I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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